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Sunday, December 17, 2006
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my legs and arms are broken down with envy for the solid ground...
been feeling kinda crappy lately. crappy enough to spout my emo blah to my blog again. whoda thunk.
here we go...
every now and again i'm reminded that there are no happy endings for people like me.
despite what my romantic little heart would like to edit out, and despite what my lovely imagination would like to beileve, i am not a person who would ever deserve a happy ending, and especially not one who should expect it to happen someday.
i've been feeling like the happy ending complete with sitcom love music is all i want, and was reminded rather brutally that it's not what will happen. that i'm never going to get it, and that i'll NEVER deserve it.
i don't deserve what i have now, for god's sake.
i don't fucking deserve the air i breathe.
i don't know why i'm tolerated by the few people i force to deal with me, and i don't know how i'll ever make more friends as i become less and less socially motivated and feel myself hiding more and more.
but i can't fucking hide from myself.
i'm still so remorseful, and i can't help but feel this way because of my own damnable actions.
i'm a bad person.
i'm so sorry.
safety pin took a swig at 4:25 AM.
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Saturday, June 24, 2006
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whoops.
remind me, just one more time, universe, why i should become a tee-totaler.
i can't seem to fucking get it through my head that it's a bad idea to drink.
damnit.
safety pin took a swig at 4:57 PM.
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Monday, June 19, 2006
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she's saying goodbye, and leaving tonight...
well, i'm officially one of those lucky-to-be-alive types.
i got hit by another car while i was getting on the interstate today.
if i had been driving any faster, his car would have been in my lap, and my spiritual being would have been elsewhere. apparently, my time here isn't done.
i'm healthy, safe, and supremely grateful for my airbags. my neck is sore, and my left arm is scraped from the airbag. but a scrape is better than a steeringwheel set of braces.
if you want the whole story, i'll talk. however, suffice it to say, ow.
and i'm out a car for a while, borrowing gramma's old beater, but it doesn't have airbags, and i don't like that idea right now. i think i'm gonna get a rental sometime soon.
it was the other guy's fault, but my car might possibly be totaled. that would suck.
wish me luck, god bless, and breathe some air and be grateful you can.
someday, very soon, you might not be able to.
ENJOY LIFE.
[how sappy gross is that? it's true though. i mean this.]
safety pin took a swig at 11:22 PM.
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Wednesday, June 14, 2006
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I never knew I'd need to do this, and I never expected it to be she. So young and vibrant.
My thoughts and love are with you:
http://www.ketv.com/news/9361429/detail.html
Passenger dies in crash near Plattview Road
A 20-year-old Omaha woman died early this morning when a car went into the ditch near 204th Street and Platteview Road in Sarpy County. Brynn Babbel, a 2004 graduate of Millard North High School, suffered severe injuries in the crash, which occurred about 12:30 a.m. She was flown to Creighton University Medical Center, where she was pronounced dead.
http://www.omaha.com/index.php?u_pg=1636&u_sid=2188539&u_rnd=3596578
Brynn Babbel was quick to put her college training to good use.
The 2004 graduate of Millard North High School was awarded a scholarship to the Nebraska College of Technical Agriculture in Curtis, Neb., which she attended for about 18 months. She was working full time as a veterinarian technician, her father said.
"She loved animals," Todd Babbel said, "and had a special talent for working with animals, especially horses and dogs."
His daughter, who would have celebrated her 21st birthday Friday, died early Tuesday when the pickup in which she was riding went into the ditch at 204th Street and Platteview Road, about four miles south of Gretna.
The Omaha woman was pronounced dead at Creighton University Medical Center. She was flown there after the 12:30 a.m. accident.
Funeral services will be 10 a.m. Friday at St. Patrick Catholic Church in Gretna.
The Sarpy County Sheriff's Office said the pickup's driver, Sarah Roach, 19, of Omaha, was southbound on 204th Street and was approaching a stop sign at Platteview Road. She was unable to stop, and the truck went into a ditch, said Lt. Steve Grabowski.
Roach, a 2005 graduate of Millard North, was treated at Midlands Community Hospital and released. She was arrested on suspicion of misdemeanor motor vehicle homicide, minor in possession of alcohol, driving with a blood-alcohol content above the .02 percent limit set for people younger than the legal drinking age, careless driving, stop sign violation and seat belt violation.
No one in the truck was wearing a seat belt, officials said.
Todd Babbel said his daughter's attitude will be missed.
"She was the kind of person who was happy and fun-loving," he said. "It was contagious. Just being around her made you feel happy."
He said the family - her mother, Patty Recic, and her brother Cody, 16, both of Elkhorn - are coping with the accident as best they can.
I'll miss you.
I love you.
safety pin took a swig at 6:40 PM.
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Monday, May 29, 2006
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i'm losing you and it's effortless...
why can't they actually just want to be friends? why not? is it that hard? i'm not fishing, i don't want to hear how great i am, i want to hang out, play games, and drink. i don't want to do you. i don't want to date you. please. can't i find guys to hang out with that have no intentions, ulterior motives, or are flirting with me and i just don't get it? it's great to be liked, sure, but honestly. this is getting fucking ridiculous.
damnit.
-bkE
safety pin took a swig at 3:54 AM.
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Wednesday, April 26, 2006
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i am just now realizing how much you never told me. what you omitted. it's not lying if you don't tell me, but it's also not the truth. and sometimes, i think that's worse than lying.
i wish you had known how to really talk, and how to listen. how to ask about things that are important, and about things that aren't.
i wish i knew how you were, and what you were doing, and that i still had a reason to care, but there's only so many times i can be erased, or ignored, or cut out, and i know it's not all your fault, that i did it first, but i want to blame you for that, too.
this isn't about you. i'ts only for me, and if you read it, i'll feel dumb, so don't read it, and forget that you ever did.
this is because things have changed so much and i'm under a lot of pressure and i'm well past breaking point and i want to blame that partially on you, too, because closure is something i can't get from five states away and even though i'm happy now and i'm okay and i'll never see you again from what it sounds like between the long spaces wehre i don't hear a single word and my phone sucks and it's my fault.
i shouldn't post this, because it's not about you, it's about me and my situation which you know nothing about anymore because you made the choice to quit hearing about it when you made that one single, drunken decision that changed our lives forever.
funny how what i thought would have been my happily ever after for so long feels so alien now. even if it'll all change a million times, again and again, depending on if i'm seeing anyone, or if you are, or whatever you're doing with yourself and whatever i'm doing, and i'm sure you're better than me at it, and i'm sure everyone loves you and your hard work pays off so much more because you'll be in debt for the rest of your natural born life and i really shouldn't post this and I DON'T CARE, I'M GOING TO ANYWAY.
safety pin took a swig at 5:47 PM.
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Monday, April 24, 2006
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Holy Crap, This is Terrifying!
An Indiana mother recently accompanied her daughter and her daughter's boyfriend to one of Indiana's Planned Parenthood clinics, but they unwittingly walked into a so-called "crisis pregnancy center" run by an anti-abortion group, one that shared a parking lot with the real Planned Parenthood clinic and was designed expressly to lure Planned Parenthood patients and deceive them.
The group took down the girl's confidential personal information and told her to come back for her appointment, which they said would be in their "other office" (the real Planned Parenthood office nearby). When she arrived for her appointment, not only did the Planned Parenthood staff have no record of her, but the police were there. The "crisis pregnancy center" had called them, claiming that a minor was being forced to have an abortion against her will.
The "crisis pregnancy center" staff then proceeded to wage a campaign of intimidation and harassment over the following days, showing up at the girl's home and calling her father's workplace. Our clinic director reports that the girl was "scared to death to leave her house." They even went to her school and urged classmates to pressure her not to have an abortion.
The anti-choice movement is setting up these "crisis pregnancy centers" across the country. Some of them have neutral-sounding names and run ads that falsely promise the full range of reproductive health services, but they dispense anti-choice propaganda and intimidation instead. And according to a recent article in The New York Times, there are currently more of these centers in the U.S. than there are actual abortion providers. What's more, these centers have received $60 million in government grants. They're being funded by our tax dollars.
A bill has just been introduced in Congress to stop the fraudulent practices of fake clinics, but it desperately needs more support. Tell your representative to take a stand: anti-choice extremists must not get away with this any longer!
Go to: http://www.ppaction.org/campaign/fakeclinics
safety pin took a swig at 5:51 PM.
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